Separation Anxiety: From Stress to Success
You find out when you leave your home your dog barks constantly, or tears up the walls and front door, or you return to a puddle of urine in front of the door or on a couch your dog uses to look out the window. You realize these behaviors are anxiety-based, coming from your dog’s fear of being left alone at home. The dreaded so-called “separation anxiety.”
When you commiserate with family and friends they tell you it’s your fault, you coddled your dog and gave her too much attention and treats. You seek help online only to try training methods that fail time and time again, or people claiming your dog is spiteful and taking revenge on you. You feel hopeless and lost about what to do to help your dog and get your normal life back - able to leave without stress and problems.
This is a typical path of many guardians of dogs with separation anxiety behaviors.
We understand the stress, frustration, and feeling of hopelessness. We know you didn’t sign up for this when you got a new dog. You just wanted a canine companion to go on walks and play with, to appreciate the fun, typical human-animal bond that so many people share with their dogs.
We also know things can get better.
Positive reinforcement training can resolve separation anxiety. It is a treatable issue. You’re not the problem; you are your dog’s companion who can help her recover. It may take time, and it may take determination and a willingness to persevere until the end, but you can do this. You can help your dog. And you don’t have to take this journey alone.
We can start by dispelling some myths.
You didn’t cause your dog’s separation anxiety behaviors.
The current scientific information shows dogs with these anxiety behaviors potentially have a genetic predisposition for factors to lead to separation-related problems. There are puppies with this issue, there are are dogs from breeders and shelters with this issue, so it’s not environmental factors alone (abuse/neglect) that leads to this type of anxiety. It’s also not from coddling or giving too much attention to dogs, otherwise every well-treated dog would have it.
Taking care of your dog’s needs is a good thing - and this can include giving plenty of positive attention, rewards, allowing sleeping on soft surfaces like couches, beds, or dog beds.
Your dog is not seeking revenge.
Dogs don’t have the same cognitive abilities of people, and this means there are no studies showing dogs with revengeful or spiteful motives. Dogs are not acting out of malice when they do behaviors that are upsetting to us.
It’s important to notice, too, that dogs really are suffering with anxiety. They are panicking to the point of breaking out of the home, even some to the point of self-injury. This isn’t about us as people. It’s about our dogs - who need empathy, for us to realize they need help to prevent and cure their anxiety and fear of being alone.
We also know from experience that when we complete training, all of these problems go away. They are symptoms of anxiety, not bad quality traits of your dog.
Training can work!
Separation anxiety is different than other behaviors. It takes a very specialized skill set to work through a protocol to resolution. The protocol is very specific to each dog as a unique individual. This is different from, for example, teaching a sit behavior in which we can usually pretty quickly get a dog to understand the signal and behavior. With separation anxiety the training proceeds at the individual dog’s pace, where he or she remains comfortable and expanding upon the learning successes.
Picture your end goal.
You put on your shoes, grab your keys, pour yourself a refreshing cold, iced-coffee to go, head to the door, unlock it, open it, and automatically look down where your dog used to be frantically trying to exit with you, biting at your pants, vocalizing in the most pitiful whines, foaming drool at the mouth in panic - and now she is not even there - she instead remains peacefully lying on the couch, eyes lazily noticing you are about to leave, but with no more concern.
When she notices you looking at her, she wags her tail with love. Then you step through the door, close it, lock it, and you go off to live your regular life - knowing when you return your dog will calmly greet you and you’ll go on a fun walk together.